Should you lend money to a friend? Why you shouldn’t lend money to perpetual beggars Should you lend money to friends?

Should you lend money to friends? Should you lend money to relatives?

The sub-question has an answer that can be considered 90% correct. The saying is not born out of the blue.

From personal experience, I can say that it is much easier to repay a debt from a stranger than from a friend or relative. Give a loan to a friend, you have every moral right to put full pressure on him, because you did not give him money out of friendship or family feelings.

If you lend money to a friend, it will be difficult to return it. After all, you and your friend have a lot in common. You have gone through a lot and have probably helped each other out in difficult times more than once. It is very difficult to collect a debt from a friend. He can always remind you: how he helped you out, how he needed this money, what difficulties he is having now, and so on.

It is almost impossible to collect a debt from a relative if he does not want to repay. He will always be able to press pity and remind you of his native blood. Arguments such as: “I wiped your butt,” “You broke my favorite toy,” and so on can be used. It is much easier to forgive a debt to your relative than to waste time, effort and nerves trying to return this money.

A few examples from life.

Of course, I myself have repeatedly lent money to my friends. I had a case when one “bad person” did not want to repay me a debt. His credit history was depressing and no one believed that in this case it was possible to return the money. But when information appeared that he could leave the country, several working methods that I would never have used on my friends and relatives returned me the money that I had been waiting for half a year within two days.

One of my good friends decided to earn a little money by renting out an apartment to his friend, with whom he had been friends since childhood. A friend constantly delayed payment and was able to persuade my good friend in this manner for six months. When the matter reached a dead end, the friend left town, leaving the keys under the rug and a complete mess in the apartment. Not only did my friend not receive the money, but he also had to make repairs after his “Friend”.

And now the most difficult part - relatives. I have a friend who professionally lends money and professionally takes it away if someone wants to deceive him. Over many years of work, no one had ever deceived him. But his relatives still owe him money. One of the relatives borrowed a significant amount of money and promised to pay it back in installments, but it turned out that he took out an unrealistic loan and he simply did not have the opportunity to pay this money back. Another relative took a substantial amount from him for literally a week and has not been able to pay him back for several years. As a friend told me, he could get this money out of anyone without any problems, but not from his relatives.

If your loved ones are asking you for a loan, then perhaps you will be interested in looking at the answers that I gave earlier on this topic.

How to properly collect a debt if they don’t pay it back:

How to refuse a person who asks you to borrow money:

Is it true that a receipt not certified by a notary is invalid:

When a professional cannot collect a debt from relatives who cannot return the money to him, then what can we say about those people who do not have such experience... If relatives ask for a loan, then give them the amount that you don’t mind losing and forget about this money. This is the best you can do in this situation.

Let's talk about this rather sensitive topic: Is it possible to lend money? Around almost every person there will always be people who like to borrow money: large sums, medium, small, for a year, for a month, “before payday,” “before Monday,” etc. What should you do if you are asked to borrow a certain amount? Is it possible to lend money?

Let us remember the Russian folk proverbs:

Now you can find modernized options:

Thus, our ancestors already knew that lending money is bad. Now, I think, little has changed, except that there are more people who like to live on credit. Unfortunately, these people do not understand that constantly borrowing money only aggravates their financial problems: most often they are in trouble, despite the fact that many of them earn quite well. Nevertheless, it is impossible to correct such people until they themselves want it, but at least everyone can help them develop the habit of living on credit: you don’t need to borrow money for this.

By borrowing money from someone, you are making that person worse, not better, because you are helping to make him or her live in debt and not giving him the opportunity to learn how to effectively manage his personal finances.

In addition, as you understand, when one of your relatives, friends or colleagues asks you to lend money, this implies that he wants to use your money for free. And, as you know, .

By lending money, you are deprived of that, even small, income that you could get if these temporarily free funds (and you can only borrow temporarily free funds) were placed at least on a bank deposit.

So is it worth lending money for free if you can earn money from it?

Thus, we see that it is not worth lending money - this will negatively affect the personal budget of both parties to the transaction: the debtor and the creditor.

But there may be situations when you are asked to lend money not just like that, but at interest. Is it possible to lend money in this case? I will say this: this is quite risky, there is a much greater risk of not receiving the given amount than, for example, in the case of investing money on. Accordingly, the cost of such a loan should be significantly higher.

In addition, if you decide to lend money at interest, I recommend that you take the position of the bank issuing the loan:

• Analyze the financial condition of your future debtor;
• Calculate whether his income (current, not planned!) will be enough to pay you off on time;
• Clearly find out why he needs money, whether such an investment is advisable, whether he is participating in this with his own money;
• etc.

It will also be necessary to draw up a promissory note with a notary. And for this you need to first study the legislative framework: not everywhere and not always a private person can borrow money from another private person, and especially at interest.

Lending money at interest to another person is very risky! Therefore, such a procedure requires competent analysis and precise legal documentation. However, remember that even if you have a notarized debt obligation, it will be very difficult for you to get your money back with interest if your debtor does not want to return it to you.

Do not forget also that if you lend money at interest, this can quickly attract the attention of various criminal elements to you, because by doing so you can say openly declaring: I have money!

So, let's say you don't want to lend money, but then another problem arises: how to politely refuse so as not to offend the person who asks you for a loan? Here you must adhere to the following rules:

1. Never, anywhere, or to anyone, advertise how much money you have.. Even in front of close friends and relatives! The only exception may be your significant other, with whom you share a household. Remember that the fewer people who know how much money you have, the more secure it will be!
2. Refer to the lack of available funds and offer your help in kind. For example, take you to the right place in your car, help with food, help with physical strength... Thus, the person will see that you are not indifferent to his problem, but will probably refuse other help, because he wants to borrow money.
3. Advise the person on real ways to free up or earn the amount he needs, for example, invite him to go to the website - here he will probably get a lot of useful information for this and, perhaps, will be imbued with the idea that living in debt will not lead to anything good.
4. Recommend a good bank where I can get. Lending money is the prerogative of banks, not people.

If for some reason you still cannot refuse, and still decide to borrow money, then follow just one simple rule:

You can only lend no more than you are willing to lose. When you lend money to your friends or family, consider that you are giving it away for free. Don't remind your debtors about your debts. If they give it back, it’s good; if they don’t give it away, it will be a good lesson for you for the future. Since the amount of debt is unimportant for you, there is no point in quarreling over it!

I hope you understand whether it is possible to lend money. And to reinforce the topic, here's an anecdote:

Monya stands in the square in front of a huge bank and sells sunflower seeds. Senya approaches him.

- Listen, Monya, borrow 10 rubles until your salary, look at how much you have sold, but I have nothing to live on.

- Senya, do you see what’s behind me?

- Well, the bank, so what?

- Well, he and I signed an agreement on the division of spheres of influence: the bank agreed not to sell seeds, and I agreed not to lend money.

Irene S. Levine, a PhD candidate in psychology and author of TheFriendshipBlog.com, advises that the first step is to suppress the guilt that arises when the person asking is desperate, or when you yourself think that you would be a bad person if you don’t give money. on credit.

If you lend money without being completely sure that you want to do it, you risk feeling resentful and your relationship with your friend will deteriorate before he or she can repay you or repay you.

Refusing to lend money will not turn you into an egoist and a bad friend. On the contrary, this is how you can save a good relationship.

Gently refuse: “I would be very happy to help, but right now I have no money at all.” If you feel that you have to explain your refusal, add a reason: you have unexpected expenses, you are saving money for something significant (children’s education, an apartment, a car).

Think about how else you can help your friend in this situation. Perhaps you have ideas where you can borrow or earn the required amount. A true friend to you for any help. If he is offended by you, then it is all the more good that you did not borrow money.

Rule No. 2. Give as much as you are willing to lose.

Your friend or family member can be a proven, financially stable and reliable person, but no one is immune from force majeure situations.

Imagine how tension will grow between you and your best friend or relative if you urgently need the money you borrowed, and for reasons beyond his control he cannot return it on time.

Byron Ellis, a financial planner, recommends borrowing only the amount of money you're ready to say goodbye to without affecting your personal financial goals and savings.

Rule No. 3. Set strict deadlines for debt repayment

We often say: “You will return it when you can.” After all, it’s strange to demand that a friend or relative repay a debt exactly on time. But imagine the situation: you gave several hundred thousand to your sister to buy an apartment. She promised to return them as soon as she got back on her feet. But several years have passed and there is no money in sight. They have already depreciated taking into account inflation.

Byron Ellis advises discussing the terms “onshore”: after what time, with what interest and in what parts will the debt be repaid to you. This way you won’t find yourself in limbo, not understanding when this money will come back to you and whether it will come back at all. And the borrower will understand that he is obliged to return the money within the prescribed period, and will not allow himself to do so.

Rule #4: Always have a written contract.

Priorities change, memories are erased, and now your debtor assures you that you agreed in a completely different way... Another advantage of a written agreement: by signing it, the person borrowing money realizes the seriousness of this step and that he must repay the debt within the specified time frame.

If the borrower misses a payment, there is always paper that you can turn to in a controversial situation. Friendship is friendship, but the obligations you signed up for must be fulfilled.

Byron Ellis, financial planner

For small amounts, you can draw up an agreement yourself, but when it comes to a large loan, it is better to involve a lawyer.

Priyanka Prakash, a former business lawyer and now a finance specialist at Fit Small Business, says that the agreement must indicate the date of receipt and the amount of the loan, the period for repaying the debt in full, a payment schedule if the debt is paid in installments, agreed interest for late payment, full contact information of the lender and borrower. Signatures of both parties must be present.

Rule #5: Don't let the borrower miss the payment deadline

A big mistake is to forgive late payments and not even try to find out why the borrower is delaying it. If the payment date is advisory rather than mandatory, your friend will continue to quietly ignore it.

Once again the treaty comes to the rescue. Write down a penalty for late payment. Naturally, your friend, when signing an agreement, must understand what he is getting into. And we can only hope that this tactic will save you from the need to send payment reminders and you will not regret that you once decided to play banker.

Ellis advises setting a five-day period during which the borrower can make a payment without penalty: after all, situations vary. However, if the delay is longer, and your friend ignores calls and reminders, then it makes sense to think about going to court.

If you lent money for a long time and agreed on a one-time repayment, then a month before the expiration of the term, remind the borrower of the agreement.

You may feel that these rules are too strict when it comes to helping friends and family. In fact, this is how you can maintain good relationships, not overshadowed by understatements and grievances related to finances.

“...Do not borrow and do not lend;

It’s easy to lose a loan and a friend,

And loans dull the blade of the economy.”

W. Shakespeare.

Debt is a swamp. And it doesn’t matter at all: you borrow, they borrow from you.

Successful people do not lend money, and they themselves live without debt.

In what cases should you not lend money?

Of course, people should help each other. Whether to borrow money or not is everyone's business. But you should clearly understand that if you decide to lend money, you risk disrupting your own plans, losing not only money, but also a friend, as well as your peace.

You cannot lend:

• large amounts;
• last money;
• other people's funds that are in your custody.

• strangers;
• to someone who does not know when he will return the money (and from what purpose he will return it);
• a person to whom you have some obligations (he will not return it, since he will consider that he has the right to do so).

And it’s not just that you risk not seeing your money. You need to think about the debtor. By deciding to give a person a loan, you deprive him of the opportunity to develop and learn to live independently. Perhaps he would work harder, find ways to change his habits, etc.

It is very important to evaluate yours in a timely manner. It’s hardly worth living among eternal beggars who don’t want to do anything on their own. You need to boldly say “no” to such people.

Do you still really want to lend? Are you used to lending money? Well, it's up to you. Then risk exactly the amount that you don’t mind losing. Don't forget to ask what purposes your money will be used for. And be sure to get a receipt from a notary. Yes, don’t forget to consult with your grandmother).

Surely she will tell you interesting tips that have come down to us from time immemorial:

1. Don't lend money after sunset.
2. Do not borrow money for church holidays.
3. On Monday you lend money and you take all the money out of the house.
4. On Sunday, if you lend money, be prepared for the fact that the money may not be returned.
5. Don't give to the poor and unlucky unless you want to go broke yourself.
6. If you want to lose a friend, lend him money.
7. You cannot lend money on the waning moon.

Value your money! Don't lend!

P.S.

Parable about debt from Osho.

A month ago, I lent two silver coins to the merchant Jafar, but this happened without witnesses. Jafar still hasn't given the money back. I'm afraid that if I demand my coins back, he will deny that he borrowed money from me.

Friends began to say that the young man’s action was indeed reckless and that, perhaps, the money would not be returned.

But the wandering dervish, who had been quietly dozing all evening in the corner of the teahouse, suddenly raised his head from his knee and said:

Invite the merchant Jafar here and demand, in the presence of all these people, that he immediately give you the twenty gold coins that you lent him a month ago.

How can I say this? - the man exclaimed - This is a shameless lie, I only lent him two silver coins!

These,” the Sufi laughed, “are exactly the words that he will shout back to you. And note: each of those sitting here will hear it. You needed witnesses, didn't you?

Money is not only a source of freedom and opportunity, but also a point of contention when financial tensions affect you and your friends.

Any person can experience money problems sooner or later, and often in such a situation it is impossible to do without outside help. But when borrowing funds, you cannot be sure that they will be returned to you within the agreed period and in full. A person’s life circumstances may change, their financial situation may worsen, or they may simply decide to take advantage of your kindness and old friendship in pursuit of their intentions.

All this will become a potential cause of conflict, the severity of which will depend on the amount of the loan and your desire to repay it.

If a friend does not give the money, then the situation becomes even more complicated. And the party that will suffer financial and moral losses can be you. After all, a special attitude towards this person will keep you from taking decisive action, even when you realize that he was simply using you. Therefore, it is not always worth lending money to friends. A situation like this is a serious test for your friendship, which can become a source of disappointment and financial loss.

How not to lend money and not offend anyone

When you are asked to borrow money, even if it is from a friend, you have every right to refuse. It is necessary to make a decision based on your own assessment of the situation and possible risks, financial condition, moral principles and priorities. There is no need to feel remorse or shame for not lending money to a friend. A person close to you will understand and accept any reason. If you decide not to lend money to friends, then try to do it correctly, without inventing implausible reasons.

6 ways to refuse money

1. No money - no problems.

   You can tell your friend that . Express your sincere desire to help and your regret that you do not have such an opportunity now. You shouldn’t give away your last funds or go into debt yourself when even your best friend asked for a loan. After all, you may also have unexpected expenses associated with an important purchase, urgent payments, illness, or difficult life circumstances.

2. Physically there is money, but in fact there is no money.

   Even if you have financial resources, justify your refusal by saying that you are collecting them for specific purposes that are very important. If a friend asks to borrow money, explain to him that the free resources that you have may be needed at any time. You will have to request them immediately, as you do not want to put your friend in an awkward position and aggravate financial problems.

3. Your money is already being used.

   One way to avoid lending money is to explain this by saying that you have no free funds, and all of them are invested in a deposit, real estate or personal business.

4. Help, instead of borrowing money.

   Offer the person any other help in solving the problem. If you cannot or do not want to lend money to a friend, then emphasize that you are ready to provide him with moral support and physical assistance. Tell him other sources of obtaining the required amount if you have such information. These could be favorable bank loans, MFO or pawnshop services, a new place of work or additional part-time work.

5. You can't go against principles.

   You can also refuse because you do not intend to lend money to friends, family or any other people, since this is your principled position. When talking about a loan, clearly outline it, justifying it by the fact that you do not want to even potentially lose a friend because of money.

6. When non-return of money is a trend.

   When a friend regularly asks to borrow money, you will have to be firm in order to guide him on the path to solving financial problems on his own. Ask him for a loan or offer to issue a receipt clearly indicating the repayment period and the amount of interest for using the funds. If this friend does not give back the money he borrowed from you earlier, you can absolutely calmly refuse him.

How not to lend money: exceptions to the rules

A person who does not lend money to a friend does not deserve contempt or condemnation. First of all, be guided by your own interests and priorities. But, before you come up with a reason not to lend money, it is worth finding out the true motive for this request. It is necessary to call a friend for a frank conversation. It is possible that he found himself in a difficult and hopeless situation that he could not cope with on his own.

The question may concern the health or life of a friend or his family and friends. In such cases, a decision cannot be made based solely on issues of one's own financial gain.

Sometimes it is necessary to lend money to a friend, even knowing in advance that the chances of return are doubtful.

But at the same time they will go for good purposes and help a loved one. After all, no one is immune from difficult situations and tragic events that require financial investment. A person who does not lend money to a friend in trouble risks finding himself in similar circumstances himself.